Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
As I sit this Friday evening listening to the Feminist Front Stoop Reading at Womencrafts, I am thinking back on this past week. October brings cooler temps to the Cape and the crowd on the street changes in Provincetown; retirees from all over the United States arrive on bus tours and cruises. Hardly my core customer, but I do adjust my windows and make the messaging a bit more “universal”.
Like many these days, I struggle when someone asks me how I am.
I am a cis, white, gay, Jewish, man, quickly nearing 60, operating a business at the intersection of politics, queerness, social media, and the ever-changing technological environment. Functioning and remaining hopeful amid the current political shitshow, in a town struggling to address housing for the people that make the town run, that has wealth inequality on full display, has its challenges; staying informed AND sane is one of them. I am filled with gratitude that I get to spend my summer in Provincetown, being my authentic self; what a privilege.
Rather than screaming into the void, I get to put my opinions and messages on merchandise that gives back. Adam’s Nest is a political, queer, sex-positive business, with messaging much stronger than many visitors, especially those at this point in the season, are accustomed to seeing. My friend Mary just texted calling me “the prince of understatement!” and another customer this week called the shop “deliciously queer.” Over the course of the season there are plenty of people who walk in and walk right out as they are presented with such an unabashedly queer space
This past Monday was a gorgeous fall day, and an older couple from Wisconsin popped their heads into the shop to ask about the dog signs. I quickly explained they’re nothing fancy, you can order them on Amazon. (I’d say a third respect the signs, a third are clueless, and a third look at the sign, and let their dogs piss and shit anyway, sounds like America).
The man then asks me if I have any t-shirts celebrating the 250th Anniversary of the Navy. I wonder what the look on my face was, but I quickly responded this was a queer and political shop and that’s not something I’d sell. He then says, “It was better how it used to be” and I respond, “You mean don’t ask, don’t tell?” and he says “Yes.” I did not miss a beat, “Respectfully, sir, I’m an American. I believe in liberty, justice, equality, and the pursuit of happiness for all. Why is it ok for you to talk about your wife, but not ok for me to talk about my husband?” [I’m single 😉] He responds, “Wow, I never thought about it like that.” I patted him on the shoulder and said, “Enjoy Provincetown.”
Next in was another woman from the same bus tour, she was from Dallas. She browsed the shop, and we had a brief conversation, and she said, “I don’t think I can wear any of these at home.” I explained now is not a time to be silent, but I understood where she was coming from and offered more discreet button and sticker options, but she left without making a purchase.
In walked Mandy and Kelly, they’d shopped with me before and were in Provincetown celebrating their second Anniversary. We talked about coming out, and when they knew, as one of them was previously married with kids. I shared the tale of my earlier customers from Wisconsin, and we discussed what Provincetown is to so many. Shortly after they departed, the woman from Dallas came back into the shop and bought a “GOOD TROUBLE” tee. She felt comfortable wearing that message back home in Dallas especially for the upcoming No Kings Protests.
I often wonder how many more summers I can do this, but it is such a gift to be in this town and community. Many people visit Provincetown annually, and the friendships that I’ve made, the kids I’ve watched grow up, the conversations I get to have like the one with the couple from Wisconsin, serve as a reminder that we are all able to be change agents if we can listen and engage and converse with respect. However, if you support this regime, you don’t uphold all the values so many of us in this country hold dear. Liberty, justice, equality, and the pursuit of happiness for all is not negotiable. There is more than enough to provide for every one of this country’s residents, if only the greed of those at the top could be satisfied.
